There's a storm a'comin!!

So Hurricane Sandy is going on outside my door and all I can think about is food.  It gets pretty boring stuck in the house with nowhere to go and nothing to do.  Food is my favorite past time.  The eating of it of course, not the making.  I'm glad that when I went to shop for the storm I decided I would buy some fruit.  I have been munching every few hours.  Strawberries, bananas and grapes...I just ran out of grapes so that has lead me to finding entertainment in blogging.  We'll see how long this lasts.  Good thing the storm should be out of here by tomorrow night because if I run out of fruit I am going to start in on the ice cream in my freezer and that is "no bueno", nope, not good at all!

Yesterday I went to McDonalds.  A terrible decision I'm sure but I needed something to eat and I needed it fast.  I had been awake for hours, a little hungover, and on my way to meet my neighbor to get take her to BJs wholesale so she could buy things for our annual Halloween party for kids in our building.  I definitely needed to eat before then.  I bought a Big Mac and two apple pies (and water to drink).  I ate that burger and one pie for a total for 21 points.   The big mac being 14, the pie 7.  It was such a shock! That's like two meals worth of points.  Let me put these points in perspective.  This afternoon I had a Lean Cuisine Chicken Parmesan meal, a string cheese, a banana, strawberries and an ice cream sandwich for the same points of the Big Mac.  That really makes you think twice about what you are eating and why.  My whole life is now a matter of points and I don't mind it mostly because I don't think I get a sense of what I'm eating in any other way.  Not even if counting calories.  The numbers being smaller are manageable and easier to count.  (I'm mathematically retarded)  I think that's why this is working for me, although lately I've been pretty bad and just maintaining.  I really need to get back in the groove of things and go back to a meeting.  Good thing I have a monthly plan that lets me go back anytime I want.  Its time to kick this into high gear again!!

Oh, how the mighty have...leaned to the side?

I have not been to a meeting in about 4 weeks.  I was too busy involved with other things.  My weight loss I think has been maintained for the most part but I think this Sunday will be the true testament to that.  I actually miss my meetings.  My meeting leader and all the people who are there regularly have seemingly become a staple in my life.  I like feeling like I was part of the regulars and I'm curious about how everyone else is doing.  These past two days have been hard.  My emotions are running low and I find myself eating more, but I have been tracking even the bad stuff and that is what I need to keep myself in control.  Two nights ago I dropped a friend off at home and then drove by a McDonald's on the way back and actually pulled into the driveway and ordered.  The whole time I was thinking that I really should not eat that stuff but that little voice inside my head was overwhelmingly overpowered by my stomach.  The thing is I'm pretty sure that I was feeding my emotions and not my body.  I'm pretty sure that, that is what I have been doing since then as well.

Emotions seem to be my downfall.  I need to keep them in check if I am going to succeed and yet how can one control emotions?  Especially when they are caused by third parties!  Eating is my longtime soother and I just don't know of another way to soothe.  I spoke to people, did not keep my emotions bottled up and did what I thought I would have to in order to feel better, like exercise (gasp).  That however, did not alter the way in which I approached food over those days.  And I'm left feeling bad, but I refuse to have this make me feel it's all over.  So, I feel a need to stand myself up straight, know that I can do this, and keep on trucking.  And realize, that the important thing is not that I soothe my emotions with food, but rather that in the end I recognize that it won't solve my problems or take the emotions away and when it comes to the hard stuff, you just have to let yourself feel it and go with the flow. Right? Right!

Run, Forrest!

So I'm looking good, feeling good, but sooo not into it. I'm tired of counting points, tired of working out, and tired of watching everything I eat. I'm tired of thinking about food in general. Kind of wish I didn't have to eat. Never thought I'd say this but food in general is making me sick and tired. So what's a fat girl to do? Well, I have to keep eating there's no choice with that. And if I want to keep losing weight I know I have to keep exercising. I think what I need is just to recharge my batteries and re-motivate myself. I have to remember that this is for the long haul and that I've got a long way to go. But, I also have to remember that I've come a long way already and I need to be proud of that. Something that is easier said than done. Now this weight watchers thing is turning into a new kind of hard...not hard to get started, hard but to stick to. To actually go in it for the long run. This is my marathon, except, before I could go at a steady jog and now I feel like I've got to sprint to the end.