I have not been to a meeting in about 4 weeks. I was too busy involved with other things. My weight loss I think has been maintained for the most part but I think this Sunday will be the true testament to that. I actually miss my meetings. My meeting leader and all the people who are there regularly have seemingly become a staple in my life. I like feeling like I was part of the regulars and I'm curious about how everyone else is doing. These past two days have been hard. My emotions are running low and I find myself eating more, but I have been tracking even the bad stuff and that is what I need to keep myself in control. Two nights ago I dropped a friend off at home and then drove by a McDonald's on the way back and actually pulled into the driveway and ordered. The whole time I was thinking that I really should not eat that stuff but that little voice inside my head was overwhelmingly overpowered by my stomach. The thing is I'm pretty sure that I was feeding my emotions and not my body. I'm pretty sure that, that is what I have been doing since then as well.
Emotions seem to be my downfall. I need to keep them in check if I am going to succeed and yet how can one control emotions? Especially when they are caused by third parties! Eating is my longtime soother and I just don't know of another way to soothe. I spoke to people, did not keep my emotions bottled up and did what I thought I would have to in order to feel better, like exercise (gasp). That however, did not alter the way in which I approached food over those days. And I'm left feeling bad, but I refuse to have this make me feel it's all over. So, I feel a need to stand myself up straight, know that I can do this, and keep on trucking. And realize, that the important thing is not that I soothe my emotions with food, but rather that in the end I recognize that it won't solve my problems or take the emotions away and when it comes to the hard stuff, you just have to let yourself feel it and go with the flow. Right? Right!
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