My mind is so much stronger than...my mind.

I need to get the hell out of my house!  I think I am going stir-crazy.  I've downed some 50 pieces of lemonhead candies because I was craving something sweet and suddenly remembered I had them in my bag.  They were a gift.  The problem is not so much that I ate the candies but rather that I had them after I had fixed a bowl of oatmeal with cranberries and almonds because I was hungry.  Why can't I just ignore what seems to be the perpetual needs of my stomach.  I go through this internal struggle in my mind that I end up losing against myself.  Everything defeats me, boredom, work, happiness, stress, it all leads back to the need for food.  I have a lack of control when it comes to the things that I put in my mouth.  I have no self-control and that leads to a lack of self-respect and acceptance.  It upsets me that I cannot seem to win this war.   Conquering food is the hardest thing that it seems I've ever attempted to do, the one insurmountable obstacle, the impossible dream.  I'm frustrated and I know that this is the time when I need to work the hardest at what I am doing, but it feels like I'm fighting an uphill battle.  I need to keep the positive thoughts in my head.  If this was easy it wouldn't be worth it right?  Except that for some people, millions of people in fact, this is easy.  But that won't help me, will it?

Happy thoughts.  Tomorrow I begin again.  This reminds me of a poem my professors gave me when I was going to become a teacher.  I think it will serve me better now, and at each new beginning of conquering my problems with weight:

The Non-conformist

Today as many times before
the sun has lit a streak of fire in the sky.
But in the morning of the new day
I am pushed from the hastening trolley bus
like a cork from a bottle.

Men and women love the dawn for its freshness,
for its promise of new beginnings.

In the morning therefore,
I am not frightened
that I have chosen to live a life
unlike that of other young men.

-Anatoly Ivanushkin

It still applies so much to every day when I wake up and go off to teach my kids, but I know if I try it can bring me to a new place.  It's the power of poetry.

In the morning therefore...I begin again.