Tomorrow I have a meeting and I am so nervous I don't know what to do with myself. I know I will have a weight gain of anywhere from 2-4 lbs. I've been very bad this week, as seen here and here, and although I began again today and did very well I know I am not going to see the kind of progress I want by tomorrow. I keep going over this dilema of whether or not I should skip my meeting. Intellectually I know I shouldn't. And, really according to the plan and how it works the whole point of the meeting is moments just like these. They help you stay on track and do what you're supposed to do. Still, I can't help but want to pull an ostrich.
I hate the feeling of failure. Thinking of the big picture 2-4 lbs of weight gain still has me at a 50-52 lbs overall weight loss but still, my eternal pessimism isn't equipped to handle that kind of positive thinking. It is such a daily struggle to look on the bright side and keep myself going. Like I'm constantly running low on something that seems like it should come so easily...positive outlook. I think I need to pull a Stewart Smalley if I'm going to make it through tomorrow without binging because I'm sad and depressed and I'm hoping this blog will reinforce my previous belief. So I'm going to go to my meeting, I'm going to accept that I did not do what I knew I should be doing, and I'm going to go from there.
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