I feel like sometimes my hunger turns into the most formidable being in the world. Like another person in the room with me who is looming over my shoulder while I'm trying to do other things. Today has been one of those days. For the first time I actually tracked ALL of my meals for the day ahead of time (yesterday in fact) and yet since waking I've been extremely hungry. Beyond what I planned on eating. I thought I could control it but it has been uphill all day and the day is just getting started.
This morning I had my regular oatmeal breakfast. For lunch I'm having ground turkey with brown rice and a salad on the side. Not bad I would say. In between breakfast and lunch I've gotten in the habit of having fruit as a snack everyday, because I usually have breakfast at about 6:30 am and lunch is not until 12:16 pm. Except today one piece of fruit has turned into 2 mandarins, 1 small banana, about 10 baby carrots and 1 cheese stick. Perhaps not the end of the world in many people's eyes but when you're trying to lose as much as me, EVERYTHING counts. WTF? Why am I so hungry? And this was after I played what I think of as the hunger games of my life, a game that I often lose. I did the whole, "acknowledge your hunger, wait ten minutes then check again". I also had the "maybe its not hunger maybe it's thirst" conversation with myself and drank water after the first mandarin and banana. Then I said well maybe it's just knowing the food is there, so I got up and walked out of my classroom and walked around my floor twice, in my attempt to walk away from temptation, but when I sat at my desk the hunger just came roaring back! I get this way sometimes, where I feel like hunger is just taking over. Not cool when you're trying to loose large and longtime amounts of weight. Now, I'm drinking water again, trying to expunge my eating guilt through blog posting. Should I be feeling this guilt? I don't know, but I do. And, I'm left wondering if ultimately my endgame will be what I want it to be. The end is still a way to go but I so want to get there. And, now I fear the things that might derail my train.
Is it any consolation that you weren't subjected to whatever crazy creation from the culinary teacher?
ReplyDeleteDespite eating what sounds like the ENTIRE contents of your lunch bag, it wasn't processed foods or sugary snacks or high caloric drinks.
Cut yourself some slack and take stock of what is going on physically and emotionally in your life. If nothing can be pointed to then chalk it up to plain old hunger. You'll live to see another day and start anew.
May the odds be ever in your favor!