So, Sunday was quite the day for me. I went into my meeting after having missed last week. I went because I found myself doing some thing that I had not done since this whole mishugina weight loss stuff started. I was skipping a meeting because I thought I would see a weight gain!! (queue the suspense music, dun dun DUN!!)
Of course when I went back, my meeting leader managed to somehow make the meeting about me. (He didn't really but somehow I feel that every meeting is about me, and I guess that's what makes WW special. They manage to talk about things that really do impact members no matter who they are.) He said, and these words came from someone else who he thought just expressed the importance of meetings perfectly, "when you gain weight you need a meeting, when you lose weight the meeting needs you". Perfect, because this was one of those days where i needed the meeting and the meeting needed me! I sat quietly until I felt I had something to contribute, like the fact that my waist has gone from a 44 inch to a 36 inch! Whoop Whoop! But, then came the moment of truth. He asked us to share any weight loss. I had my book with my latest weigh-in results on it. I was down one pound. Not a big deal in grand scheme of things, at least that's what I told myself in my mind but of course every pound counts because they add up to great moments like these and these. But I shared the one thing I had been waiting all this time to share. I have finally made it to Onederland! The leading number in my weight is 1. You can go here if you want to know what Onederland is. I mentioned in that post not knowing what this would feel like and your know what. It feels phenomenal and now that its been a few days since then, scary as hell. When I first said it at the meeting I burst into tears, which was exactly what I was trying to avoid doing hence the quiet waiting for the moment when that question was asked. When I called my cousin, I burst into tears again. (Are you noticing a pattern here?)
It is unbelievable to be here, of course I'm still in the dilemma that I feel like I look today exactly how I looked 20 lbs ago but I'm sure I don't, I probably do but I'm trying to convince myself I don't, even though I do...ok so that's what the conversation in my head sounds like. But, the fear comes in that I'm still closer to up than down. Its like what if one day Superman goes up up and away and isn't paying attention and so smacks into a brick wall on his way up? You might say "well duh, it's Superman, he'll just rip right through that stupid wall." But what if that wall was made out of kryptonite, or in my case ice cream!! Catch my drift. There is more fear in me than excitement. And a part of me feels like well this is to be expected. There is always a little fear in change, but I feel my fear will cause me to regress and that would really, really suck!
But, positivity, right? That's what I need to focus on. And keep reminding myself, just because that Ice Cream says Light! Does not mean I can eat 3 servings of it. Superman may not be stronger than Kryptonite but I am certainly stronger than frozen milk and sugar! (hopefully, no I am, maybe, I know I am, or I will be...I can do this! Right? Right...maybe)
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