During the week I am on plan and on the go. When I'm on plan and motivated, I feel like nothing can keep me down. Wake up early to workout? No problem. Track all your food? In the bag. Make good choices? So easy its laughable. But then the weekend comes and with it Armageddon Let me tell you that having to go through the end of the world when it comes to my healthy habits, every weekend, is exhausting. I have no set routine. I might be doing this or doing that and so I seem to lose all will power and ability to make good choices. I suddenly resent the strictures that during the week, I embrace. I make food plans and then break them with no issues. Case in point. This past Saturday I went to a birthday party for a 6 year old. In the morning I had a sensible breakfast. I went over to my friend's house and we did half of our scheduled workout, not ideal but still good. I had a sensible well balanced lunch, two hard boiled, toast, apple, orange and banana. Tracked it all and all was right in my world...Then I find myself in front of a table of appetizers, two fried pastelitos (beef patties), kipes (which are also fried), then the most incredible thing: I'm sitting next to a bag of candy. I reach in a take one, it was Willy Wonka taffy. Then I reach in and take another. The whole time I'm talking, laughing and generally enjoying myself and in the back of my mind ignoring that little voice that is telling me to stop eating the candy. I then of course get into a battle with myself, where I tell myself to stop being so damn controlling because it's only one day, while simultaneously telling myself I really should stop eating the candy. I'm my own bickering married couple, all while smiling and joking at the people around me. The thing is, I really had no business eating that candy. I didn't particularly want it. It wasn't necessarily something I craved. And currently as I type this during my break period, in between classes, in the desk behind me there are two snickers bars that have been there for over a week. I think about them often, really want to eat them, but then consider that I could get a whole meal for the points "cost" of those bars and tell myself its not worth it. And I don't eat them. Simple as that. So what is it about the weekends, the lack of routine, and social settings that makes staying on plan so damn hard?
I fight the battle and win the day Monday through Friday (afternoon), and then, I crash like, Custard losing the battle on week end days. Do you know that's the worst part. It will take me one week of being good to loose 1 lb and one day of being bad to gain 1 and 1/2 back (sigh). But, the fight must go on....
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
There's a Rumbly in my Tumbly!
"Hum dum de dum, hum dum de dum
I'm so rumbly in my tumblyTime to munch an early luncheonHum dum de dum, dum
Read more: WINNIE THE POOH - RUMBLY IN MY TUMBLY LYRICS
Oh Pooh Bear, you're so right on the money! Breakfast this morning was delicious, scrambled egg whites, 2oz of turkey breast deli slices, and a slice of Swiss cheese on a sandwich thin bun, 6 points of wonderful and filling. However, I find myself here at work, falling asleep after a strange night of tossing and turning and I am having one realization after another.
First, being tired makes me hungry. I found myself eating an apple right before my first class started almost as if the food would give me a pick me up and I suppose it did, because I got through class ok and my students were none the wiser about how I felt. Once the class was over though, the yawning commenced and I felt like I was hungry again. I thought to myself maybe I should get some coffee to pick me up, so I went downstairs to the teacher's cafeteria. While there I purchased a cup of coffee, which I then put half and half and too much sugar into (not good), then I purchased 2 small bananas and a fruit salad made up mostly from melon, pineapple and grapes. I came upstairs and ate all of it. I sat back and then had revelation number 2. I was happy, really deeply felt satisfaction kind of happy, like I had accomplished something that was long on my list and now could stand back and admire my work and myself...I'm full and although I'm still a bit tired my mood seems on the up because I feel that my stomach is full to bursting. Talk about an early luncheon. It is not so much everything I ate in a short time, breakfast, apple, then full on fruit extravaganza with coffee (I know its a strange and disparate kind of combo). It is a different aspect of my emotional eating, which I have discussed before here. If I calculate, I had breakfast at 6 am and I ate all of this at 9:30 am. That's a three hour difference between breakfast and fruit-a-palooza, and so there is no reason to think that I would not be hungry, especially since lunch is not until 12:16 pm. However, what struck me was was the joy, the elation I felt at being full that made me aware of just how food affects me. I know I enjoy a good meal but fruit and a coffee do not a "meal" make. It is not the food that makes me happy, it is the feeling of fullness, the joy of being stuffed, that is the problem. I must find other ways of making myself feel good. I just don't know what that will be. I kinda wish I was home so that I could immediately work this off with an exercise routine. (Now where did that thought come from?)
Oh well, I am not home, I am here, and there is nothing for me to do but get on with my day...I'll have to ponder the meaning of this a little later I suppose. I think I'll take a walk around the floor before my next class starts.
I'm so rumbly in my tumblyTime to munch an early luncheonHum dum de dum, dum
Read more: WINNIE THE POOH - RUMBLY IN MY TUMBLY LYRICS
Oh Pooh Bear, you're so right on the money! Breakfast this morning was delicious, scrambled egg whites, 2oz of turkey breast deli slices, and a slice of Swiss cheese on a sandwich thin bun, 6 points of wonderful and filling. However, I find myself here at work, falling asleep after a strange night of tossing and turning and I am having one realization after another.
First, being tired makes me hungry. I found myself eating an apple right before my first class started almost as if the food would give me a pick me up and I suppose it did, because I got through class ok and my students were none the wiser about how I felt. Once the class was over though, the yawning commenced and I felt like I was hungry again. I thought to myself maybe I should get some coffee to pick me up, so I went downstairs to the teacher's cafeteria. While there I purchased a cup of coffee, which I then put half and half and too much sugar into (not good), then I purchased 2 small bananas and a fruit salad made up mostly from melon, pineapple and grapes. I came upstairs and ate all of it. I sat back and then had revelation number 2. I was happy, really deeply felt satisfaction kind of happy, like I had accomplished something that was long on my list and now could stand back and admire my work and myself...I'm full and although I'm still a bit tired my mood seems on the up because I feel that my stomach is full to bursting. Talk about an early luncheon. It is not so much everything I ate in a short time, breakfast, apple, then full on fruit extravaganza with coffee (I know its a strange and disparate kind of combo). It is a different aspect of my emotional eating, which I have discussed before here. If I calculate, I had breakfast at 6 am and I ate all of this at 9:30 am. That's a three hour difference between breakfast and fruit-a-palooza, and so there is no reason to think that I would not be hungry, especially since lunch is not until 12:16 pm. However, what struck me was was the joy, the elation I felt at being full that made me aware of just how food affects me. I know I enjoy a good meal but fruit and a coffee do not a "meal" make. It is not the food that makes me happy, it is the feeling of fullness, the joy of being stuffed, that is the problem. I must find other ways of making myself feel good. I just don't know what that will be. I kinda wish I was home so that I could immediately work this off with an exercise routine. (Now where did that thought come from?)
Oh well, I am not home, I am here, and there is nothing for me to do but get on with my day...I'll have to ponder the meaning of this a little later I suppose. I think I'll take a walk around the floor before my next class starts.
Monday, May 13, 2013
This one is for me.
This journey has been so ongoing and I think that I have lost sight of the long haul of it. I was so used to a seemingly endless drop, that I think my mind began to think it would be seamless, but no longer. I'm back on track and again losing but I think that I have learned a valuable lesson from these weeks of not having a success of which to speak of. There is no going back...
I will never be able to eat as I did, to not workout as I did, to be who I was. That is hard to accept sometimes, because in the end and in many real ways, I am still me. It is still me in my head and even though she has changed a bit physically, it is still me when I look in the mirror. However, it is not me at my core. It is not me fundamentally and it will never be the "old" me again, not if I want to be successful.
This week I found myself deciding not to go anywhere and to stay home. Weekends have been turning into an ordeal because I find it so much harder to stay on plan when I am not the one preparing meals. So I had a choice to make. It does not mean that I will never go out again, but I need to choose my battles wisely. If I went out last week I do not need to do so this week. It's ok to miss out on a few things. I will survive, and I did survive and I saw a weight loss on the scale because of it. So this one is for getting back on track, back in the race, and just plain back to the me who felt that I could do this. The new me, the me I want to be.
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