Ugh! One of my goals was to increase my workouts and find some kind of exercise balance. I find that when it comes to exercise it is so easy to just forget about it. This is by far the hardest part of trying to control my weight. I know I have the time I just can't seem to take the time to do it. I think that this is what's causing me problems now more then anything else. I feel comfortable enough now with Weigh Watchers and the point system that it usually takes me a day to get my eating back on track despite my ups and down. If I could just get into a routine of working out then I think that how I eat would be second to that in which of the two will make me feel is the most beneficial to my weight loss. But actually getting up and doing something? This is perhaps the hardest thing.
I'm just going to say it I am lazy by nature, inclined to sit and do nothing than to get up and move. I will always struggle with this it seems and I don't know how to address it. I'm just not into the exercise and I don't know what to do to motivate myself. The frustrating thing is that I have been improving in how I see exercise and how I approach it and I even have seen how much exercising can lead to improvement. For a time I was exercising with my friend here in my house over FaceTime and that kept me motivated but her life and schedule has changed and so that has not worked anymore. We've both seem to have fallen off the workout wagon. I also go to the gym near my job when my coworker is available and when I'm actually at work. But lately I've been on vacation so I don't go to the gym because I don't want to go alone. Yesterday I went to the park and did a two mile walk with another friend (Do you notice a pattern?). It seems that I need that other person with me to exercise. I'm not one to be intrinsically motivated. I don't want to go anywhere alone and I need that person to lean on.
This makes me feel terrible. I can't help but ask myself "why can't I do this on my own?" I hate being dependent on others for that motivation but it is what I need. It's the reason that Weight Watchers works for me. The meetings make me feel like someone is there with me and watching me, giving me support and encouragement and keeping me under the microscope, which keeps me working at it. So now, I need a weight watchers exercise program! Because, I am starting to lose it. I've called my coworker again. Maybe when I start up work again I can get back to the gym. Something has got to give.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
I know why, I just won't admit it!
There's a moment in the movie Fools Rush In when Salma Hayek is yelling at her love interest. Matthew Perry (said love interest) is trying to explain why he's been an absentee husband and she interrupts him by yelling EXCUSES, EXCUSES! in her oh so wonderfully accented English. That's how I feel lately, I have her voice on loop in my brain...
So I had every intention of making this vacation time a period of good and healthy eating and regular and active workout. None of the that happened. Why? Well let me give you a few "reasons".........
Ok I don't have any, let me tell you my excuses, I've been tired, my back's been hurting me, I had a BBQ, ran out of the healthy food....See all of these might seem like pretty good reasons but the Salma in my head seems to disagree. I missed my meeting after the BBQ and my scale at home says my weight is increasing. It's hot outside so all I want to do is stay cool and oddly enough I don't want to eat whole meals I just want to eat ice cream or anything cold, that's it. So instead I've been laying about being lazy and terrible. I'm out of motivation again...sigh.
So I had every intention of making this vacation time a period of good and healthy eating and regular and active workout. None of the that happened. Why? Well let me give you a few "reasons".........
Ok I don't have any, let me tell you my excuses, I've been tired, my back's been hurting me, I had a BBQ, ran out of the healthy food....See all of these might seem like pretty good reasons but the Salma in my head seems to disagree. I missed my meeting after the BBQ and my scale at home says my weight is increasing. It's hot outside so all I want to do is stay cool and oddly enough I don't want to eat whole meals I just want to eat ice cream or anything cold, that's it. So instead I've been laying about being lazy and terrible. I'm out of motivation again...sigh.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Go me!!
Back from my meeting and all I can say is....I DID IT!! Today I weighed in and I had lost 6 lbs from last week. Don't ask me how, because I have no idea, but even more momentous was that I finally reached my 50 lbs weight loss!! 51.8 lbs to be exact:) I did it in a little over 5 months and its unbelievable!
So now a few things have to happen. 1. I need to keep going because I'm not there yet! But I'm gonna get there. 2. I need to go get a pedicure (lol and sigh), though I'm not in a rush to do that if truth be told. However, I said I would do it and I will. And I have one person who came out and said they would go with me and since only two people are actively reading my blog you can guess which of two it is and of course she's totally going to be there!
The most incredible thing though is that I have a little over 20 lbs to go to reach Onederland. Onederland is a term I've seen all over the internet on weight loss sites. It's the term used by people who are over 200 lbs to describe being 199 lbs and less! I can't even imagine what that day will be like but I am sooooo looking forward to it, there are no words. I honestly cannot remember being in the ones. The last 1 weight I remember was when I was 12 and my scale said 160 or somewhere there abouts. Can you imagine a 12 year olds already 160 lbs? Thats crazy, especially considering that at that point I was only about 5'4" or 5'5". But this time its different, because I'm taller and because its means so much more now. I can almost taste it and being that this is all about changing how I eat the ability to taste something is really important.
And so, here I am. Standing close to the halfway mark on the climb up my personal mountain. It's going to be hard and I know I'm going to fall back down a few times but its all about getting up again and continuing my climb, right? Right. So off I go.
So now a few things have to happen. 1. I need to keep going because I'm not there yet! But I'm gonna get there. 2. I need to go get a pedicure (lol and sigh), though I'm not in a rush to do that if truth be told. However, I said I would do it and I will. And I have one person who came out and said they would go with me and since only two people are actively reading my blog you can guess which of two it is and of course she's totally going to be there!
The most incredible thing though is that I have a little over 20 lbs to go to reach Onederland. Onederland is a term I've seen all over the internet on weight loss sites. It's the term used by people who are over 200 lbs to describe being 199 lbs and less! I can't even imagine what that day will be like but I am sooooo looking forward to it, there are no words. I honestly cannot remember being in the ones. The last 1 weight I remember was when I was 12 and my scale said 160 or somewhere there abouts. Can you imagine a 12 year olds already 160 lbs? Thats crazy, especially considering that at that point I was only about 5'4" or 5'5". But this time its different, because I'm taller and because its means so much more now. I can almost taste it and being that this is all about changing how I eat the ability to taste something is really important.
And so, here I am. Standing close to the halfway mark on the climb up my personal mountain. It's going to be hard and I know I'm going to fall back down a few times but its all about getting up again and continuing my climb, right? Right. So off I go.
This ferris wheel is making me nauseous
I went out to dinner yesterday with two friends and I did what I was told was a good strategy before going out to dinner. I drank tons of water, ate a light meal (a hardboiled egg), and looked up the menu so I could calculate my points and decide what I was going to have before I got there. I got in contact with my friends said I wanted to make sure we were seated and ready to eat no later than 8 and they agreed. I was golden. The ferris wheel was on its way up!
Then my friends where late. So instead of being at my house by 6:45 or so they got there close to 7:45. On our way to the restaurant I realized I forgot my ezpass so we had to turn around and go back because none of us had cash and I had no idea how much the tolls were. Ferris wheel down... At the restaurant they brought us bread (But I had planned for this). Using my WW savvy I picked a piece and ate it slowly so that I would not be tempted to reach for more. I tried to stay engaged in conversation so I wasn't able to stuff my face and be tempted to reach for more...Ferris wheel arriba! Then my friend goes and ordered fried calamari for the whole table and of course I can't say no, because I'm Ms. Lacking-The-Ability-To-Say-No (Hi, nice to meet ya) and my Ferris wheel took a nose dive. The rest of the dinner went as planned, I had a salad as my course (although it was huge and full of stuff that I should not have been eating, like bacon bits but still, it was a salad, oh and the dressing was on the side, and I didn't even need it after a while I just pushed it over and ate my salad bare). At dessert my ferris wheel was stopped, I guess there were others getting off at the bottom. I had planned for it, did what I wanted, I told the waitress to give me half on a plate and half of it to go. But I was so full I didn't really want it. Still, I ate it anyway. So I was stuck in this place where I did what I said I was going to do but felt bad because it could have been a great chance to just say no, admit I was satisfied and take it home...
So on to my thoughts for today. Last week was a strange one in terms of weight. I had gained 0.8lbs from the week before but it was after my brother's birthday party where I drank a little, ate a little, and then took medication cause I hurt my back. I woke up swollen, I had to take my ring off because it was cutting into my finger and before that I had wrapped tape around it because it no longer fit. So I had the feeling that I would have a weight gain and was not surprised or upset that I did. If anything I was still glad cause I had made it to my meeting despite having gone to bed so late. And I got to tell them about my size loss which I'll discuss in another post. This week however I did something I had not done before. I began weighing myself every morning. I was doing it at the same time of day. I woke up, did my morning ablutions and then weighed in, and oddly the scale was going down. Way down. To the point where at I was becoming frightened to actually see an 8 lbs drop Saturday morning from the Sunday before. And I hadn't exercised at all during the week. Freaky. Well dinner last night took care of the whole 8lbs thing. This morning I was only 4 lbs less and then I took a bath and was somehow 3lbs less. My cousin thinks it might of been all the hair product I use, she says our hair products can get thick. I'm going to go with that because the thought that I'm gaining lbs just by going through my normal routines makes me feel kinda sick to my stomach. Ferris wheel WAY DOWN and the need to hurl is close to the surface. We'll see what happens after my weigh in. Wish me luck...
Then my friends where late. So instead of being at my house by 6:45 or so they got there close to 7:45. On our way to the restaurant I realized I forgot my ezpass so we had to turn around and go back because none of us had cash and I had no idea how much the tolls were. Ferris wheel down... At the restaurant they brought us bread (But I had planned for this). Using my WW savvy I picked a piece and ate it slowly so that I would not be tempted to reach for more. I tried to stay engaged in conversation so I wasn't able to stuff my face and be tempted to reach for more...Ferris wheel arriba! Then my friend goes and ordered fried calamari for the whole table and of course I can't say no, because I'm Ms. Lacking-The-Ability-To-Say-No (Hi, nice to meet ya) and my Ferris wheel took a nose dive. The rest of the dinner went as planned, I had a salad as my course (although it was huge and full of stuff that I should not have been eating, like bacon bits but still, it was a salad, oh and the dressing was on the side, and I didn't even need it after a while I just pushed it over and ate my salad bare). At dessert my ferris wheel was stopped, I guess there were others getting off at the bottom. I had planned for it, did what I wanted, I told the waitress to give me half on a plate and half of it to go. But I was so full I didn't really want it. Still, I ate it anyway. So I was stuck in this place where I did what I said I was going to do but felt bad because it could have been a great chance to just say no, admit I was satisfied and take it home...
So on to my thoughts for today. Last week was a strange one in terms of weight. I had gained 0.8lbs from the week before but it was after my brother's birthday party where I drank a little, ate a little, and then took medication cause I hurt my back. I woke up swollen, I had to take my ring off because it was cutting into my finger and before that I had wrapped tape around it because it no longer fit. So I had the feeling that I would have a weight gain and was not surprised or upset that I did. If anything I was still glad cause I had made it to my meeting despite having gone to bed so late. And I got to tell them about my size loss which I'll discuss in another post. This week however I did something I had not done before. I began weighing myself every morning. I was doing it at the same time of day. I woke up, did my morning ablutions and then weighed in, and oddly the scale was going down. Way down. To the point where at I was becoming frightened to actually see an 8 lbs drop Saturday morning from the Sunday before. And I hadn't exercised at all during the week. Freaky. Well dinner last night took care of the whole 8lbs thing. This morning I was only 4 lbs less and then I took a bath and was somehow 3lbs less. My cousin thinks it might of been all the hair product I use, she says our hair products can get thick. I'm going to go with that because the thought that I'm gaining lbs just by going through my normal routines makes me feel kinda sick to my stomach. Ferris wheel WAY DOWN and the need to hurl is close to the surface. We'll see what happens after my weigh in. Wish me luck...
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Manna from Heaven!
So as I approach my 50 pound weight loss goal (only 4 pounds away as of June 10) I am left in a quandary. I need to find ways to keep myself motivated, ways to reward myself that are not food. So today I gave myself an almost there gift, I purchased sports bottoms. Capris, shorts and pants. The shorts and capris are compression pants. I just used the capris to work out and I LOVE them. They really do make my workout feel different so I'm going to keep them up. I'm so happy with that particular purchase I'm going to tell the world. I already told my cousin about it. Because, of course, she's my soundboard. Those pants felt so good I'm now amped to keep using them and working out in them. I'm definitely feeling motivated to keep moving:)
Now, the next question is what will I gift myself as a reward for my next actual milestone. I want to do something about my 50 lbs weight loss and I'm thinking of something that will be drastic and never before done by me........wait for it......a pedicure! Can you imagine? I've never done a pedicure. People who know me, know that: 1. I don't like my feet to be touched and 2. I can do it myself so I don't see why I would pay someone else to do it. Now the question is going to be where am I going to go and who am I going to take with me? This is a big decision. I need people with me who will know what a momentous occasion this is going to be for me and give said occasion its due reverence. Lol. Or if not that, someone who will stand between me and the door so I don't run out of there as if my hair was on fire. (Because I've actually had my hair catch fire and running is your first instinctive response). It's one of those crazy things but with 50 lbs of loss I'm close to what I think I want the halfway mark to be. What makes it crazy is because I'm actually feeling like I'm going to get there and because I'm actually thinking beyond food. And, I say I think its close to the halfway point because I have not given that final goal number an actual thought. But I'm good for it! So these little gifts to me are going to be my manna to sustain me and keep me going until I reach the promised land! Someday I will be finding my GOOOOOAAAAALLLL!!!
Now, the next question is what will I gift myself as a reward for my next actual milestone. I want to do something about my 50 lbs weight loss and I'm thinking of something that will be drastic and never before done by me........wait for it......a pedicure! Can you imagine? I've never done a pedicure. People who know me, know that: 1. I don't like my feet to be touched and 2. I can do it myself so I don't see why I would pay someone else to do it. Now the question is going to be where am I going to go and who am I going to take with me? This is a big decision. I need people with me who will know what a momentous occasion this is going to be for me and give said occasion its due reverence. Lol. Or if not that, someone who will stand between me and the door so I don't run out of there as if my hair was on fire. (Because I've actually had my hair catch fire and running is your first instinctive response). It's one of those crazy things but with 50 lbs of loss I'm close to what I think I want the halfway mark to be. What makes it crazy is because I'm actually feeling like I'm going to get there and because I'm actually thinking beyond food. And, I say I think its close to the halfway point because I have not given that final goal number an actual thought. But I'm good for it! So these little gifts to me are going to be my manna to sustain me and keep me going until I reach the promised land! Someday I will be finding my GOOOOOAAAAALLLL!!!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Whoa!
I don't know why but I was feeling a bit apprehensive as I headed to my meeting Sunday morning. I knew that I had been good this week. I tracked as much as possible, made good choices, and worked out. I was not at all expecting to see any weight gain; however, I was still feeling a little nervous. Well, I certainly don't know why. I lost another 5.4 lbs bring my total weight loss to 43.6 lbs. Can you believe it? If it wasn't for the fact that I'm the one actually doing this, I certainly would have a hard time putting two and two together.
So now I'm trying to ask myself, "what did you do differently this week and do you want to repeat it, or try something new?" Well 1st, I switched up my eating a bit. Lean Cuisines are my new life savers. They have their Points Plus value right on the label, so I know exactly what I'm getting. Since I know that vegetables are worth 0 points, I've been padding the lean cuisines with huge portions of vegetables. Its a win/win for me. I'm not going crazy cooking and looking at portion sizes and food is done within a brief few minutes so I'm not suffering from that, I need to eat NOW anxiety I get. I decided I would start eating these lean cuisines for lunch rather than for dinner. Then, I could just have a dinner that is much more sensible and not as heavy. A salad or a yogurt with fixings. Stuff like that and so far so good.
Also and probably the most important thing, I made sure to workout. Now, I've spoken before (just recently actually) about how much I hate to sweat. And, now that I've been working out pretty regularly I have started sweating in all kinds of ways. When I'm done working out I have wet patches on my back and thighs, there's sweat accumulated on my face, in my hair, around my boobs, and I usually have this glow-y look on my arms. Well, last Friday I got a shock and a half. My arm wasn't just glow-y it was leaking. I felt something trickling down my arm and when I looked I actually had sweat running off of my arm. First of all let me say...eeewww. I was sooo disgusted I immediately had to wipe my arm off, it just felt wrong to be dripping. On a smaller "nastiness" scale it was kind of cool to know that I was working so hard I actually could see the fruits of my labor. Now if I can just get past how truly freakish I find that, this could be the start of something great!!
So here's to all kinds of pleasant surprises:)
So now I'm trying to ask myself, "what did you do differently this week and do you want to repeat it, or try something new?" Well 1st, I switched up my eating a bit. Lean Cuisines are my new life savers. They have their Points Plus value right on the label, so I know exactly what I'm getting. Since I know that vegetables are worth 0 points, I've been padding the lean cuisines with huge portions of vegetables. Its a win/win for me. I'm not going crazy cooking and looking at portion sizes and food is done within a brief few minutes so I'm not suffering from that, I need to eat NOW anxiety I get. I decided I would start eating these lean cuisines for lunch rather than for dinner. Then, I could just have a dinner that is much more sensible and not as heavy. A salad or a yogurt with fixings. Stuff like that and so far so good.
Also and probably the most important thing, I made sure to workout. Now, I've spoken before (just recently actually) about how much I hate to sweat. And, now that I've been working out pretty regularly I have started sweating in all kinds of ways. When I'm done working out I have wet patches on my back and thighs, there's sweat accumulated on my face, in my hair, around my boobs, and I usually have this glow-y look on my arms. Well, last Friday I got a shock and a half. My arm wasn't just glow-y it was leaking. I felt something trickling down my arm and when I looked I actually had sweat running off of my arm. First of all let me say...eeewww. I was sooo disgusted I immediately had to wipe my arm off, it just felt wrong to be dripping. On a smaller "nastiness" scale it was kind of cool to know that I was working so hard I actually could see the fruits of my labor. Now if I can just get past how truly freakish I find that, this could be the start of something great!!
So here's to all kinds of pleasant surprises:)
Friday, June 1, 2012
Who said that?
So I'm sitting here at work, miserable!! I'm tired of repeating the same things over and over to my students; who seem to get progressively more brain dead as we head to the end of the school year. And, of course, we are also headed towards state exams, which is when their brains should be even more active. And, I swear I am going to learn how to say "shut up" in at least 5 more languages to see if I can get this point across! I can't wait to get out of here and I'm so desperate to get out of here that I'm actually contemplating if I can make up a relative and then kill them off just so I can leave early. Suddenly, and seemingly out of nowhere, as I begin to picture what I would do if I could get out of this place I actually saw myself first stopping at the gym and then driving off into the sunset. Did you get that...Stopping. At. The. Gym....I actually shocked myself with that thought! That thought could not have come from me. I do not "like" the gym so why would I want to stop there? Well it seems it's where I want to be and who am I to deny myself anything (other than Coca Cola, or as I have come to think of it in my deprived mind "Ambrosia of the Gods") Now to turn this into motivating momentum for later on when I will actually be able to go to the gym! Here's to hoping for a day which goes by quickly, my suppression of the instinct to choke one of these damn students, and actually making it to the gym!
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