Still here!

So its been a while.  Summer has pretty much gone and fall has come in with rain (some tornado type stuff) but otherwise nice weather.  I am still here, still going up and down within the same weight range but still feeling positive about where I am.

School has started up again and many of the staff and students have noticed my weight loss, its been nice, I always remember to smile and say thank you when someone comments.  Its my way of beginning to learn how to take a compliment. Yet another way in which I am growing into the person I want to be;)

But, not all has been sunny in my parade.  Although I am trying to stay positive I have been feeling disconnected.  Work just began again and I'm having a hard time getting back into the groove of things.  On a positive note I started working out again this week.  I'm kicking butt and taking names but in a nice way, lol! I feel stronger already.  Went back to my meeting this week after two weeks of not going.  Happy to report only 1 lbs of weight gain, although that happiness comes now after I am days removed from that weigh-in.  On Sunday I was ready to burst into tears.  I cannot lose hope and I know I can do this.  I have the tools that I need, I just need to use them! I'm still here and that's pretty good right?

Taking the time.

Ugh! One of my goals was to increase my workouts and find some kind of exercise balance.  I find that when it comes to exercise it is so easy to just forget about it.  This is by far the hardest part of trying to control my weight.  I know I have the time I just can't seem to take the time to do it.  I think that this is what's causing me problems now more then anything else.  I feel comfortable enough now with Weigh Watchers and the point system that it usually takes me a day to get my eating back on track despite my ups and down. If I could just get into a routine of working out then I think that how I eat would be second to that in which of the two will make me feel is the most beneficial to my weight loss.  But actually getting up and doing something? This is perhaps the hardest thing.

I'm just going to say it I am lazy by nature, inclined to sit and do nothing than to get up and move.  I will always struggle with this it seems and I don't know how to address it.  I'm just not into the exercise and I don't know what to do to motivate myself.   The frustrating thing is that I have been improving in how I see exercise and how I approach it and I even have seen how much exercising can lead to improvement. For a time I was exercising with my friend here in my house over FaceTime and that kept me motivated but her life and schedule has changed and so that has not worked anymore.  We've both seem to have fallen off the workout wagon.  I also go to the gym near my job when my coworker is available and when I'm actually at work.  But lately I've been on vacation so I don't go to the gym because I don't want to go alone.  Yesterday I went to the park and did a two mile walk with another friend (Do you notice a pattern?).  It seems that I need that other person with me to exercise.  I'm not one to be intrinsically motivated.  I don't want to go anywhere alone and I need that person to lean on.

This makes me feel terrible.  I can't help but ask myself "why can't I do this on my own?" I hate being dependent on others for that motivation but it is what I need.  It's the reason that Weight Watchers works for me.  The meetings make me feel like someone is there with me and watching me, giving me support and encouragement and keeping me under the microscope, which keeps me working at it.  So now, I need a weight watchers exercise program!  Because, I am starting to lose it.  I've called my coworker again.  Maybe when I start up work again I can get back to the gym.  Something has got to give.