"...I look forward however to being in the place where you seem to be, where it is just a natural part of who I am and the life I lead to be conscious of food and to use it to feed my body when I need it, not how I use it now to feed my body even when I don't need it and to feed my emotions all the time. I find that it is the psychological toll, as much as the physical one, that this weight has taken on me which makes this so hard.
However, I am learning about staying positive (which is perhaps one of the hardest things I have had to learn, one would think eating better would be the hard part but it strangely isn't). Positive thinking is so anathema to my way of being, I don't know why negativity rules me so much but it seems to be ingrained. I think what has made this journey so different from the ones before it is the support and the number of people who seem to want to see me succeed. And, I know that the reason is because I am so much more willing to be open about this journey then ones I have taken before. Other times weight loss has felt like a private burden I have to bare, something to be ashamed of because my weight was my fault but it doesn't feel that way this time. Or, at least not totally. And that's something I also have slowly needed to learn to deal with as well. But, I'm trying. I'm just hoping that I don't decide to throw the towel in before the final round!"
End of email! I know its back to back with my other post but some of this I think needed to be shared.
Totally agree, sharing the burden (highs and lows) makes the difference this time around. We are all rooting for you. Keep up the good work and reach out when you are looking for that towel!
ReplyDeleteHa ha!! I just realized I said "its more what I say about MYSELF, that I want people to focus on"!! As if the WHOLE damn thing isn't about me?!?! lol. Can I be anymore vain? Creo que no:")
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